i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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