If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
