Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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