he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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