Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
