I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You pole danced in your parka.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
