I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i drank out of a bidet.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
