if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
