someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
