i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
