Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
