I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
