bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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