She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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