sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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