Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
