I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
