I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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