Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
this is an emotional support booty call
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
