wakey wakey hands off snakey
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
