sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
