Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
