Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize