you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
