worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There r osticjed everywhere
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
