He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
