Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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