I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize