Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
