i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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