It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
