We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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