Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
