I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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