explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
