He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Plan B is the new Plan A
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
