I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize