I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
