I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
