Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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