He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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