Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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