they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
