Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize