I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
There's always time for handjobs
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
