I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
