I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
