Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
