u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
