Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
