you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
