omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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