This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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