I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
