just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
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