i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Randomize
