i need an iv and a liver transplant
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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