Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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