Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
