I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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