we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
