Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize