The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
