she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
