why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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