i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
