I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
