My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize