if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
