my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
