i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
