Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
