Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
