Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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